Peru Will Serve You American Thanksgiving in Cuba

thanksgiving has come & gone
i miss it
i miss food day
such a beautiful day, no matter where i am in my life
i've always loved thanksgiving
golden comforting sweet savoury hope

we had dinner
turkey, warm bread, mashed potatoes, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn, green beans, glazed & drizzled eggplant, pumpkin tart, lemon cake, carrot cake, cafe con leche.
all delicious
none of it equal to my mom's cooking, but still, quite good

we ate at a cuban restaurant
beautiful white traceria decorated everything, 45 american students added to the ambiance
black & white photos on the wall of cuban life & love
stunning
the chef is from peru
he seemed quite sweet & was determined to make everything just right for us
then we danced the night away to salsa & sevillanas. even if you don't know these dances, you follow the kinks advice & "don't forget to dance". even if you're wearing a vintage red tea time dress that's definitely not spanish, you dance.
earlier that day i took part in a thanksgiving day toffee nut latte with my roommate Katie
i talked with my family
oh how i miss them
i gobbled like a turkey, was stared at by self-conscious spaniards
i watched "elf", was inspired by buddy's joy
i watched "bella", was inspired by the character's broken beauty
these past few days
i have cried
laughed
danced
it all away
there are christmas lights in my room, african love in my heart, & my true home sweet home soon to be mine
spain is undoing me little by little
but i am learning how to begin putting myself back together
the twisted sister christmas album goes well with the experience of doing so:)

(imagine heavy metal melodies, dean snider's full voice)
"oh come all ye faithful. joyful & triumphant"

faithful
joyful
triumphant
rock on!

Toledo Has My Heart, Ronda Has Meg's Canvas

I Climbed a Spanish Mountain Into the Sky

pretty pretty ronda

timeless theatre

& Then Portland Sent Truth & Peace

so weary!
and leery!
and dreary!
I feel.
stop this mind from racing all the time
restful peace
come hither,
be mine.
it was here earlier
but now it's long gone
and out of sight
on this restless,
sleepless,
clogged-up left nostril night
I remember sleepand what a comfort it once was
but now all it does is
leave me lacking because even there these thoughts
just won't stop yacking.
so I, I hit the floor and on bruised knees
start banging down your door.
can't take this anymore.
HOLY SPIRIT manifest your BEING
comfort this soul so that I can start singing
of that peaceful feeling
that any minute now you'll be bringing.
grace grows in winter I am told
(but that's not what I want to hear right now, truth be known)
it's you Father that I desire
so put out this unHOLY FIRE
and set ablaze me anew
with a peace that comes only from you.
where else can I turn and what else may I do?
here I am
yours.
here I am
yours.
here I amy ours.
~Another One Of Those Nights by Bradley Hathaway

my dear friend Jon sent this to me
it describes so perfectly my heart & everything that i'm feeling
awesomely powerful
i must read more of Hathaway's words:)
cheers loves.

"See the Sun"

soon
oh so soon do i leave this place
3 weeks
only
my heart is so happy
yet so heavy
i have not been cyndi here
spain has taken me from myself
i've been someone who doesn't talk much & smiles even less
& i of course try to look for ways to change that
but i will not lie to myself
i've learned that from my beautiful mother
don't lie to yourself
so i'm not
& i'm not lying to spain
it will not trap me behind a facade of false joy
things comfort me of course
but i am dying to comfort someone
i am dying to take on the tears of someone else & let them pour out of me
i talked with my mom last night, & my brothers
& then i dreamt about them
everytime i talk with my mom, i dream about my family
always
& then i wake up sad because the dream has ended & i am not with them
last night i dreamt they were here with me
& this place was suddenly beautiful

but that is all internal
externally you may ask?
we went to Ronda yesterday
a beautiful mountain hidden village
astounding scenery & colours
from every view you see a painting
i climbed the top of a mountain to a roman theatre
3 centuries old
i cannot explain the feeling to have touched a theatre from so long ago
theatre is timeless, i understand that even more now
also in ronda we climbed down 366 steps to the bottom of a mine
the water there, so green & crystal clear
climbing up was a challenge
but to climb out of the darkness & into the sun was much needed
& today i celebrated a friends birthday with wonderful indian food & that kind of conversation that only exists when girls & good food meet

school will be getting easier, only one more set of exams to go
for our thanksgiving dinner, which i am so excited for, we're all supposed to write nice things about each student
so that night we all read 40-45 uplifting things about ourselves
what could anyone possibly have to write about me?
no one knows me
no one could possibly think of kind things to say about me, the grumpy girl who's always in sunglasses & an ochre coloured sweater & always saying the wrong thing, drinking too much coffee & listening to her music too loudly
the girl who doesn't let anybody in
no
no one could have anything to say
so i will simply write about the beauty & truth i see in others
& continue trying to escape this me that isn't me
this me that spain has made me

& despite all of that, i will keep looking for beauty, the light, the laughter, the spirit
something here to believe in


"it's so easy to laugh/it's so easy to hate/but it takes strength to be gentle & kind"
-the smiths

Michael Clarke & Chocolate Icecream

spain?
still a difficult place for me
i'm not sure it is vale la pena (worth the pain)
i'm not happy in my host home
& school has mere moments of fleeting contentment
that is the simple truth
but?
lately i have been made joyful by the simplest things
such as while i was flying back from london, i was sitting next to a curious old man from liverpool
i was absolutely fascinated by him
& all he was doing was drinking cognac (a lot of cognac) & eating a tuna fish sandwhich
but still, i was enthralled
i watched him
though i do not think he realized it
his name is michael clark, a very good name
something about his sweet simplicity spoke to my heart
& i couldn't take my eyes away from him
then we spoke
we talked of life, god, liverpool football (go red!), communism, the beatles
all wonderful
& today?
i was studying on a bench in the plaza centro
there was a man across from me, a tourist i think, who was taking a nap on his bench
he seemed comfortable
sleeping in the newly cool & crisp sevillan autumn air
he too captivated me
then he woke up, bought himself a chocolate icecream cone, & people watched
i watched him watch
wondering what he sees when he looks at the world
hoping
seeking
smiling
laughing
contemplating
something about him struck me, that same sense of simple sweetness
we never spoke, but i have learned much from him
& from michael
i feel god is speaking to me through these simple strangers who captivate me so completely
He is showing me to look for & be at peace with simplicity
that nothing has to be anything other than what it is in order for it to be beautiful
their hunger
their thirst
their tiredness
their curiosity
my hope
all is as it is, therefore it is beautiful
it is worthy of recognition, adoration
even in the ugliness & darkness there is beauty
because there is God
& so i hope to find more simple strangers
for i sense this song is not yet over
i am taking it all in, & breathing it all out

London Calling

here i am

back in sevilla

after a week, only a week, in my most beloved city in the world

london

let me indulge you

i arrived quite late on saturday night. took a black taxi to my friends flat.

payed a lot of money, but he got me there safely.

sunday clare & i went out for sunday lunch. i had a lamb burger & a guinness (for you jon!).

it was AMAZING.

monday, & everyday of the week, i woke up between 6:45 and 7am, had breakfast with Clare, watched BBC News, & then hopped on the tube.

i literally spent the entire day doing whatever i wanted.

i ate what i wanted. (hotdogs & fish n chips!)

i walked where i wanted.

no other people to boggle my mind with demands or suggestions.

it was wonderful.

museums.paintings.art.pubs.poetry in hyde park.pumpkin soup.record stores.vintage shops. tea. scones.hot cross buns.wine.theatre.shakespeare.granola.fish n chips.book stores.galleries.beatles.

all day long, hopping on & off the tube whenever it pleased me.

i shopped for records in soho, bought a kinks album:) the guy was great, he was so glad i was a fan of the kinks that he sold me the record for $10 instead of $30!
the rest of my days there went very much the same way. me doing whatever i pleased, freely exploring my favourite city.

wednesday night clare & i saw the musical "billy elliot". now, i hate musicals. really, i can't stand them. but this one? this one struck a chord in me. i loved it. something about the working class heroes from northern england singing about their plight under Margaret Thatcher's government, something about Billy's desire to dance & struggle to express himself, all of it moved me so deeply. i encourage you all to watch the film if you haven't yet. it's a brilliant story.

thursday we saw the ballet "beauty & the beast". so beautiful. what a treat.

& friday we went to the opening of the wildlife photographer of the year exibition.

astounding images. i cried, many times. try & look some of these images up on-line, they cannot afford to be missed. & they are as they are, no editing or retouching allowed. http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/whats-on/temporary-exhibitions/wpy/

& the best part?

abbey road, naturally.

i went there twice, spending two hours or more there each time.

it was so wonderful.

being on that road, seeing those studios.

there's a white wall out front with graffiti of love notes to the beatles, so amazing.

people from all over the world have been there, have listened & do listen to the beatles.

there is no other musical group as timeless. don't believe me? go there. read those words. feel that road. lose yourself in the studios. you can still hear them. singing. making music. playing songs, helping me understand it all.

such a gift. to have been there. to have seen that. to drink tea on a step where they once stood.

no need for words, the music was all around me.

so here i am in sevilla.

post-london depression has set in.

i'm trying to remain positive. trying not to be selfish & stuck in this sadness.

but really?

all i want is tea & abbey road.

i love you all,

"and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"

cyn